There's lots of good stuff on Mate's web site for WHEN THE BODY SAYS NO (http://www.whenthebodysaysno.ca), including streaming video interviews with Vicki Gabereau and a segment from BOOK TV. I'm starting to sound like a broken record here, but truly, this book was an epiphany for me.

Cool to get the comment from his daughter!

Margaret

Just checked out the website. I certainly am glad that I ordered the book, in spite of my ambivalence. Can't wait to read it. To my dismay, further comfirming my diagnosis, I have misplaced my copy of "Scattered". I know it will turn up somewhere. Lovely to hear from you

WTBSN wasn't an easy read for me, at all. It read me, so to speak, turned me inside-out, and turned on a lot of lights in a way that was not always pleasant. To compound matters, I had agreed to review it for the Edmonton Journal and had a limit of 600 words. I easily could have quadrupled that, and still not come to the end of what I needed and wanted to say. Then I thought: hmmm, this guy lives right here in Vancouver; I could interview him for JanMag (I'd never done an author interview before, but my editor was open to the idea). It was a cheap trick to get a chance to talk to him. He wasn't what I expected. I thought he'd be this really empathetic, sensitive, poetic soul and instead he was a bit of a hard-ass, kind of brusque, really blunt in some cases, even critiquing my marriage and my life in a way I found kind of insulting. But there was so much insecurity under this blustering that I became fascinated. I tend to go from obsession to obsession in life, so I guess I have to say that Mate is one of my latest. We had coffee once after that, and he just seemed like a bundle of contractions. His vibes were all over the place, not like anybody else's. Intense is no word for it. But there is no doubt there's a poet lurking in there somewhere. At this point I have no idea if our association, connection, or whatever it is (I won't call it a friendship, as it isn't there yet) will continue or not. We shall see.
Margaret

I watched the live interviews on the wybsn website (my book isn't lost, it just hasn't arrived) and took note of Mate's emphasis on anger as a defense against boundary invasion. He thinks it's crucial for disease prevention. Perhaps he was deliberately trying to make you express anger at a boundary invasion, especially with the comments about your marriage? Men. I guess there's nothing like an in vivo experience for learning. I'm so honored that you have chosen this forum to express the complexities of your feelings.

I, personally, would have felt it necessary to be nice during the whole interview, no matter what was said to me. We women aren't socialized to express anger. No wonder there seems to be a breast cancer epidemic. Take a peek at Developing Healthy Narcissism and see if you resonate.

I'm about to do an entry about taking the self defense course, Impact/Model Mugging. It helped disinhibit me. Among other things, I learned to scream "Get away from me, I don't know you. Step back" without feeling unladylike.

Dakota

Well, that's it, I am now officially obsessed with this blog. Never mind, it's interesting, as I've been on a sort of parallel path for years. I had 5 years of Gestalt therapy in the early '90s, then started studying the violin with a Polish-born man (lovely man named Bohdan Siedlecki) who also, not coincidentally, is a spiritual healer. Well. . . there I went down a new path, and I'm still on it. When I heard about Mate's book, I realized I had seen his columns in the Globe and Mail newspaper and became curious. I'm not sure if "glomming on" is always healthy, but it can be an indication of need. This is the next thing that needs to happen.

Mate is not exactly polite. (Bohdan can have a similar bluntness, being European-born and not excessively polite, as Canadians tend to be). It's a no-bullshit approach that takes some getting used to. But he also radiates a kind of professional compassion. He told me in an e-mail that right now he is in Mexico with his entire family (his wife, 2 adult sons and a teenage daughter: Hannah, the one who left that comment) to celebrate his 60th birthday. After much turbulence, they're a family again (and 4 out of the 5 of them have ADD!) So he must've done considerable work himself.

Walking the talk. . . that's the hardest part.
M

Well, that makes two of us. In my cronehood,with the audio guidance of Esther Hicks, channeling Abraham, I have come to think of obsession as passion, and thus a mighty good thing.

I am glued to this thing at the moment. Something does seem to be happening. I await it's unfolding with eager anticipation.

So far, it's just you and me, babe. Hannah went to Mexico.

I must be pretty passionate, then! Gee, there's hope. Speaking of cronehood, I'm about to turn 50 next month (Feb. 9), and as of mid-Jan. I will have a full one year with NO periods: a liberation for me. This is a very powerful time of life, in which all the trudging and chopping away I did through my 30s and 40s is beginning to seem worthwhile. In September my first novel was published, a lifelong dream. And on October 31 (significant date, I wonder?) I became a grandmother for the first time when my daughter Shannon had an enchanting baby girl named Caitlin. I was in the room for the birth, and it lived up to every cliche I have ever heard.

Now I face the extremely daunting task of writing the next novel. I'm pretty blank at the moment. There is pressure (I have an agent now, and I feel like she's breathing down my neck). My motivation has changed. And good things happening professionally and personally do not negate a continuing struggle with past garbage and hard-wired, knee-jerk reactions to stresses/other people. I still get migraines, still overreact (part of being passionate?). So when I saw Mate's book, GLOM, there I went, and then I just had to know more about him.

Oh well, if Hannah sees all this she can warn him what a dangerous figure I am.

Margaret

Synchronicity? Who knows. Just found a long and detailed piece about Mate and his work/books in the Georgia Straight mag; he's the cover-boy, as a matter of fact. The article is on-line at straight.com in case you're interested. Quite a detailed piece, which reveals some background stuff I didn't know.

I was interested in the line in the Straight.com piece, "Having just turned sixty, he is immersed in a personal and spiritual transformation." Saturn return, I believe it's called by those in astrology circles.

I also read the review of your novel "Better Than Life", and really look forward to reading it, when this blog flows slows down.
Chuckled at your line “They had so wanted to believe in Bob. A distant, too-exalted Christ was so hard to hold on to.”

Yes; glory be to Bob in the highest. Everyone so wants him to be Jesus, even Bob. I don't need to tell you how all this turns out (but I hope you'll want to find out!)

Weird religion seems to work itself into my writings, one way or another. I'm 50, not 60, but most definitely on the path. I feel like a ship all a-billow (which makes me feel better about my hips). Onward!

M

There's nothing like starting early on one's Saturn return, I always say. What a great image!Onward indeed.